How Do You Explain to People What You're Really Like?

In the fall of 1982, I start at a new college. I get a room in the downstairs residence hall nearest the cafeteria, and I get there the day before my roommate, and open the windows wide to let in cool air (of which there doesn't turn out to be any). I set up my record player and play my new Oklahoma cast album that I got over the summer.

When the others show up, it turns out most of them don't like me much. I'm in the Performing Arts dormitory, which you would think would be a good thing, because I like acting, and theatre, and that kind of thing. But it isn't, it really isn't. A lot of the kids on the hall are gay. I don't mind gay people, even though my religion says I should. Gay people are outsiders, like me, and I am always on the side of the outsiders. But after they find out I'm a Baptist, the other kids on the hall don't bother asking me what I think. They just make a lot of assumptions, and then they don't like me because of them.

I'm On Top of the World ...Only not really.

When I am in Sixth Grade, my school has a talent show. This isn't just the ordinary kind of talent show, where you can get up and sing, or play an instrument or whatever. This is a really serious, important one, where you have to go to practices ahead of time, and there are judges who award prizes. I really want to be in it. I like all talent shows, because I like singing. And singing in a talent show is better than just singing in Music Class, or being in Cherub Choir at church. I get to choose what song I sing, and I can do more than one of them if I want to. The prizes make this one better, but I would want to be in it just as much even without them.

Before School

Channel Islands High School has three rows of classrooms. Beyond those to one side, are some portables. Beyond it to the other side, is the quad. A mural looks out over it, a painting of a Raider, which is the school mascot. Raiders, at least according to this painting, are approximately Greek-looking warriors. They aren’t, actually. They’re not anything real so far as I’ve been able to discover. Also, the student who designed the mural was not very good at drawing. I’d think the picture was an embarrassment to the school, only I don’t really think much of Channel Islands High either.

Below the mural on the quad, there are benches. I don’t like sitting on them. I bring a book and read, and I hope no one notices me.

I Turn Into a Bad Kid at Haydock Junior High School

Jesus says we should turn the other cheek. He says if someone hurts us, we should not fight back. Even if someone hurts us a lot of times, or steals our stuff, we should only give them love and forgiveness. This is a problem, because the kids that used to just yell insults once in a while, when I walked past on my way to the bus stop, now are doing it every day. Then they start throwing stones.

One day when I'm in Sixth Grade, I just can't take any more of it. I go after the kid who was throwing the stones, who's this little brat a couple years younger than me, named Richie. I start hitting Richie. Then he starts hitting me back. Then it's a real fight, and before I know it, I have Richie on the ground and I am hitting him again and again.

“You can stop now,” says this other kid from the neighborhood named Kevin. “You've won.”

I look down and he's right. Richie isn't fighting any more, he's just lying there crying. I turn around and walk the rest of the way to my bus stop, and it turns out the bus hasn't even come yet.

Mrs. Duddy

Cartooning, is one of my favorite classes in the Seventh Grade. The teacher, Mrs. Duddy is kind of old. She has a fluffy old-lady hairstyle like my Grandma wears. She uses red-red lipstick and a lot of face powder, and there's a strong smell of perfume that always hangs around her.

I like her class because I don't need to draw realistically in there. The idea is to draw pictures that tell a story, and if the people don't look much like real people, that is okay. I learn how to make angry-eyebrows, and sad-eyebrows in her class. I learn that a puff of smoke behind someone makes it look like they're running. Boobies only have to be one curved line sticking out, and another one in the middle of the girl's chest to make it look like she has two of them. I have a lot of fun drawing cartoons in the Seventh Grade. I fold notebook paper in half and draw cartoons all over it. I make funny stories and suspense stories. The other kids in class like my cartoons. Even the ones that don't like me very much pass them around, and ask for more when they're finished.

School Pictures

The day when our picture-orders arrive at school, is always a good day. The teacher has all our packets to pass out, and that's time she can't give us work to do. I take out a book and read, keeping one ear open to hear when my name is called. When I get my packet, I open it right away. I sort through the pictures, the little wallet-sized ones for us at home to keep, and the bigger, portrait-sized ones that get sent to my grandparents.